Hello fellow readers and citizens. Well, the time will soon be upon us (29th May) to cast our vote – for some a meaningless, fruitless endeavour.
But hear ye, hear ye …. voting is a right and a privilege (I think most rights should be earned) but here we have an opportunity to try and promote change – so not voting just puts you in bed with the powers that be. If you’re like me, we often feel like idiots trudging the lines to mark ‘x’ in a box on a ballot, that probably won’t be counted – but hey, let’s enjoy the ride, nonetheless. So here it is: The idiot’s guide to voting.
Attention all clueless citizens, lost souls, and bewildered bystanders! Are you about as politically savvy as a goldfish in a library? Well, fear not, because we’ve got the ultimate idiot’s guide to voting—the crash course you never knew you needed.
First things first, dear readers: voting is not a spectator sport. You can’t just sit on the side lines munching popcorn and expect change to magically happen. No, you’ve got to roll up your sleeves, dust off that brain (if you can find it) and get ready to participate in the greatest show on Earth—democracy!
Step one: you should have registered to vote. Yes, I know that was about as thrilling as watching paint dry, but trust me, it’s a necessary evil. You should have logged to some platform, or gone into some IEC office or lean-to, and filled out some form. And no, you cannot register by writing “I vote for rugby and boerewors” on the form – that just won’t cut it, no matter how much you love braaiing with the boys.
Now that you’re officially in the system, it’s time to educate yourself. No, scrolling through memes on Instagram, or watching Tiktok, or playing Fortnite, doesn’t count as research. Take a break from cat videos and actually read up on the candidates and the issues. And remember, just because someone has a catchy slogan, or a snazzy tie, or a sexy car, or gives you a t-shirt and a sarmie, that doesn’t mean they’ve got your best interests at heart. In fact, they probably haven’t.
On election day, drag yourself out of bed (yes, even if it’s raining or hot or cold) and head to the polls. Don’t worry, they won’t ask you any trick questions (hopefully). Just follow the arrows, punch some holes, or tick some boxes—it’s like a grown-up version of connect the dots!
And voilà, you’ve officially cast your vote! Give yourself a pat on the back and a gold star for not accidentally voting for the town drunk (again). Now sit back, relax, and watch democracy unfold like a very poorly scripted reality TV show.
So, there you have it, folks—the idiot’s guide to voting. Remember, democracy is like riding a bike: it’s confusing, terrifying, and occasionally ends in disaster, but it’s the only way to get where you want to try and go. Now go forth and exercise your right to be gloriously clueless in the voting booth!
But let’s get serious here – our only chance of making significant inroads to how this beautiful country is governed is to stand together and vote for change. Now IS the time to challenge governance, responsibility, accountability and put the governing bodies to the test. Let’s do it with enthusiasm and rescue this country from the downward spiral of degradation that it is in. come on! Onward and upward!
Until next time, ‘may the force be with you’.
